1. Dress Appropriately

Not school clothes, but not concert attire, either.  I suppose that’s what they call “business casual“?

INSIDER SECRET: Adjudicators are people, too.  They like to talk.

So you want to look professional, but you don’t want to give them a reason to mock you with other adjudicators later.

You want them to be saying:
“____ was on fire!” not “Wasn’t that boy in the tuxedo so cute!?”

2. Display Professionalism

The moment you arrive at the audition site, put on your confident shoes and show respoect for the process.  Display a positive and flexible attitude, courtesy, and confidence.

Look people in the eye and if they shake your hand, make sure you squeeze firmly with confidence.  : )

3. Keep Calm and Carry On

During the audition, if you mess up, don’t go back unless you’re directly and specifically asked to by the adjudicator.

The best thing to do is simply KEEP CALM and CARRY ON where you left off.

4. Sightread Strategically

Actually TAKE the time to look over your sight-reading piece.  Check out the key signature and accidentals, the time signature and roadmap, dynamics, and then finger through the hairy-looking spots.  Then play it with confidence!
(Refer to #3 if necessary.)

5. Don’t Apologize

We are our own worst critics (unless you play trumpet – JK!).  Sometimes we’re tempted to explain ourselves and/or provide excuses or apologies in hopes of gaining sympathy.  Seriously, avoid doing this as much as you can.

When you’re done, just thank the adjudicator(s), grab your music and instrument, and walk out with your head up, knowing that even showing up to the audition is more than most ever do – and whatever the outcome, participating in this has help you grow.

Bonus Tip!
Go the Bathroom BEFORE You Audition

Within 30 minutes before your audition, go to the bathroom.  Chances are, you’ll feel like you’re going to pee your pants anyway – actually having to pee only makes it worse.

GROSS INSIDER SECRET: If it’s cold outside and the sink water is cold, it’s best not to wash your hands because they’ll be frozen for your audition.  (Please be sure to do so after you play though, even if you have to make an excuse that your palms are sweaty so you don’t have to explain!)

Skye “Coach K” Kooyman is the founder and executive director of Teen Pulse and author of Vitamin K for Drummers Today.  Earning her Bachelor’s Degree in Music Education, she has taught music and leadership to over a thousand students across Southern California.

For ten years, Coach K has been helping drummers and percussionists develop defined technique and musical intuitiveness.  She guides percussionists through the process of strengthening their technique and learning how to bring even the simplest of rhythms to life through the use of shaping, accents, timbre changes, and touch. Her method builds technical and musical chops to last throughout a full percussion education and career.

Percussionist Must Have’s

Practice Pad (12″ double-sided)
Ear Plugs ($10 now or hearing aids later…)
Metronome (this one does all the things you need it to do as a percussionist)

Foundation Building Technique Music Book + Lessons
- Perfect for beginning, intermediate, and auditioning percussionists.
- Covers everything from how to hold a stick to advanced flam rudiments.
- Includes video lessons, play-along practice tracks, tons of exercises & excerpts, etc.
- Comes with printable certificates “Happy Birthday!”, “Merry Christmas!”, etc.
- HALF OFF Coupon Code: “THANKFUL” (expires Cymber Monday at Midnight PST)

One-on-One Percussion Lessons (in person or via Skype)
- Drumset, Keyboard/Mallet, Concert, and Marching Percussion
- Instructor has 10 years teaching experience & Bachelor’s in Music Education.
- Only TWO SPOTS open for lessons beginning in January 2013.

Marching Drumline

Tenor Sticks
Snare Sticks
Practice Sticks (rubber tips for “quiet” practice)

Drum Key (big “T” for high tension marching drums)

Foundation Building Technique Music Book + Lessons
- Perfect for beginning, intermediate, and auditioning percussionists.
- Covers everything from how to hold a stick to advanced flam rudiments.
- Includes video lessons, play-along practice tracks, tons of exercises & excerpts, etc.
- Comes with printable certificates “Happy Birthday!”, “Merry Christmas!”, etc.
- HALF OFF Coupon Code: ”THANKFUL“ (expires Cymber Monday at Midnight PST)

One-on-One Drum Lessons (in person or via Skype)
- Marching Snare, Tenors, and/or Bass
- Instructor has 10 years teaching experience & Bachelor’s in Music Education.
- Only TWO SPOTS open for lessons beginning in January 2013.

Concert Band Percussion

Stick Bag with all the Fixings
- Stick Bag- Vic Firth AS5B Snare Drum Sticks 
(ideal for concert band, buckets, and drumset)
- Medium Marimba Mallets (cheap version)
- Medium Marimba Mallets (quality version)
- Xylophone/Bell Mallets (cheap version)
- Xylophone/Bell Mallets (quality version)
- General Timpani Mallets 

Drum Key (not a cheap key that breaks, this one is quality;
not for marching drums)

Foundation Building Technique Music Book + Lessons
- Perfect for beginning, intermediate, and auditioning percussionists.
- Covers everything from how to hold a stick to advanced flam rudiments.
- Includes video lessons, play-along practice tracks, tons of exercises & excerpts, etc.
- Comes with printable certificates “Happy Birthday!”, “Merry Christmas!”, etc.
- HALF OFF Coupon Code: ”THANKFUL“ (expires Cymber Monday at Midnight PST)

One-on-One Percussion Lessons (in person or via Skype)
- Fundamentals, snare, and xylophone
- Instructor has 10 years teaching experience & Bachelor’s in Music Education.
- Only TWO SPOTS open for lessons beginning in January 2013.

Drumset

Drumsets
Ludwig 5-piece (cheap beginner set; durable, but will need to be replaced when serious)
Gretsch 5-piece (intermediate set; includes all hardware and cymbals) 

Hardware
Snare Stand (great find; very high quality for a really low price)
Bass Drum Pedal (great find; very high quality for a really low price)
Drum Throne (having a decent seat to sit on makes practicing less of a pain in the butt…)

Cymbals
Intermediate Cymbal Pack (hi-hat, crash, and ride cymbals)

Heads
Bass Drum Head (this is an amazing head; remember to check the size before you buy!)
Tom-Tom Heads (these are deep & don’t ring; remember to check the sizes before you buy!)
Snare Batter Head (eliminates the “ring”)

Sticks
Retractable Metal Brushes (for jazz drumset)
Wood Hot Rods (for jazz and latin drumset)
Vic Firth AS5B Snare Drum Sticks (ideal for concert band, buckets, and drumset)
Practice Sticks (rubber tip for “quiet” practice)

Accessories
Drum Key (not a cheap key that breaks, this one is quality; not for marching drums)

Instruction 
Foundation Building Technique Music Book + Lessons
- Perfect for beginning, intermediate, and auditioning percussionists.
- Covers everything from how to hold a stick to advanced flam rudiments.
- Includes video lessons, play-along practice tracks, tons of exercises & excerpts, etc.
- Comes with printable certificates “Happy Birthday!”, “Merry Christmas!”, etc.
- HALF OFF Coupon Code: ”THANKFUL“ (expires Cymber Monday at Midnight PST)

One-on-One Drumset Lessons (in person or via Skype)
- Instructor has 10 years teaching experience & Bachelor’s in Music Education.
- Only TWO SPOTS open for lessons beginning in January 2013.

Lingo Tips:
- When buying a drumset, “Shell Pack” means it doesn’t come with the hardware to put the set together or cymbals.  Often times, this means it doesn’t come with drumheads, either.

Other Percussive Gifts

Cajon (the “box drum” played with your hands – good for youth group & camping)

Drumstick Keychain

Drummers Make Good “ROLL” Models Sticker

I hope this helps!  If you have any further questions about what to get your drummer, leave a comment below and I’ll respond.  :)

Skye “Coach K” Kooyman is the founder and executive director of Teen Pulse and author of Vitamin K for Drummers Today.  Earning her Bachelor’s Degree in Music Education, she has taught music and leadership to over a thousand students across Southern California.

For ten years, Coach K has been helping drummers and percussionists develop defined technique and musical intuitiveness.  She guides percussionists through the process of strengthening their technique and learning how to bring even the simplest of rhythms to life through the use of shaping, accents, timbre changes, and touch. Her method builds technical and musical chops to last throughout a full percussion education and career.

The other day, I had a student show up to his private percussion lesson a few minutes late.

Before I could even ask him how he was doing, he looked me straight in the eye and completely burst into tears as if he’d been holding them in forever.

“What’s going on, man?” I asked him – yeah right like I could pretend like nothing was wrong, clearly this young man just exploded the way he did because he wasn’t letting this out anywhere else.

I’d had my fair share of meltdowns in private percussion lessons in college, so besides being honored that he felt safe enough to be human in front of me, I was also humbled… like, “Yay! I’m not the only one who’s totally lost it when I walk through the threshold of the percussion studio!”

I pulled my drum throne out and sat on it so he wouldn’t feel like I was towering over him – this guy needed a sounding board, not an authoritative dictator. He immediately made himself comfortable on the couch in my garage studio and proceeded to tell me about his mother.

[Now, something you may not know about me is that if I didn’t go to the University of Redlands for Music Education, I was going to go to Stanford to study Psychology. So the fact that this student walked in and sat on my couch and told me about his mother made me wonder if I had the name “Sigmund Freud” tattooed to my forehead. I didn’t even say, “Tell me about your mother...” while playing with my mustache! I wasn’t uncomfortable, though, teens tend to trust me.]

So he went on about an incident that happened that day between he and his mom, which he linked to past incidents, and on and on. (I let him get it all out, clearly he needed to and there was no chance he’d be able to play his music in his current state.) I noticed a theme in all of his stories: he felt like each little nit-pick about his hair, his habits, his choices, his words, and actions a personal attack saying, “You’re not good enough the way you are.”

Now, I totally know and believe that unconditional love from a parent is really important and shapes your level of self-worth as a teen (and even as an adult).

Now, if I remember the children’s story, “The Princess and the Pea,” correctly, the test for finding out if the main character was a princess was that no matter how many mattresses were piled up, a princess lying on the top mattress could feel a pea under the bottom mattress (apparently princesses have delicate skin or something).

In the story, the girl had a bad, restless night’s sleep, so she was the princess. If YOU are a hypersensitive prince or princess, life is just a series of bad days!

This young man in my studio was such a prince. “What do I do when she’s constantly putting me down and telling me every little thing I do wrong?” He cried, “I feel like crap.”

Coach K: Why do you think you are so emotional right now about what your mom says and wants?

Him: I guess after so many years of hearing every negative thing she can possibly see in me, it just gets to be too much – not to mention all the crap I get at school–” He went into hysterics. “Why does she have to be so mean to me?! I’M NOT A BAD KID!”

Coach K: I remember when I just wanted to come home to get away from kids at school… and when I wanted to go to school to get away from my family… it was rough. I think one of the first things here is to be able to differentiate between which comments are “mean” and which are just her aggressively and compulsively giving her opinion. It sounds like you feel like every comment is a shot to the heart. Would you say that’s true?

Him: I guess.

Coach K: Does she make comments like this to other people?

Him: Oh yeah, she makes them to my dad and brother all the time. I really think she thrives on making my whole family crazy. It’s sad really. It’s like she has no idea that if she would just lay off a little, everything would be more peaceful.

[From my own experience, I think the most difficult part of getting past feeling like a disapproved of little child is our determination to not see beyond our own pain... to see who our parent really is. As if seeing past our pain would in some way discount it – after all, no one else has valued our pain, we are all we have, right?]

Coach K: What you describe about your mom reminds me of my stepdad when I was growing up. He was very insecure, which meant he needed to be needed and needed to be important. That was why he had an opinion about everything. And that’s why he would tear me down, so he would feel significant. I was a very insecure person as a teen and needed constant validation and approval to feel good about myself. I suppose most people wouldn’t blame me for needing validation that I was good enough growing up in an environment like that. And they wouldn’t blame you, either. The thing is, can these two types of people exist in the same place at the same time harmoniously?

Him: *kind of laughing* No!

Coach K: Yeah, you’re telling me! That’s the best, hardest, coolest, crappiest part of being a teen… starting to realize the big picture and then be responsible for creating new scenarios where you’re not content. Do you think maybe you and your mom are those two types of people?

Him: For sure.

Coach K: With my stepdad, I didn’t realize how insecure he was and how ill-equipped he was to love me. He had no idea how. I mean, no freaking clue. I’m convinced that his macho-cool-guy routine was just a cover up for his fear. Like he knew he was not lovable, so he tried to compensate by being Mr. Know It All. I guess in some sick and twisted way, that was his version of caring for me. So now that I’ve realized how fragile that big-mouth jerk who I couldn’t stand really is, when he opens his mouth, flinging daggers, I am able to sit back like, “Wow, you poor thing. You really don’t know how else to connect, do you?” And then I’m grateful that I won’t be that way with my own kids. Granted, 10 years ago, I wouldn’t have ever imagined I could do that. Heck, 10 months ago, I couldn’t do that. So if you can get this now, you’re WAY ahead of the game!

[He smiled.]

Coach K: The thing is, if he heard me saying this to your right now, half of him would get teary and the other half would get angry. The half that would cry is the part that knows I’m speaking the truth. The other part of him that would get angry is the self-protective part that doesn’t know how to be a healthy, functioning human being. So he would defend himself. And when he defends himself against the awareness that he might not be the best parent, he gets aggressive. Sound familiar?

[He nodded.]

Coach K: Even though you can’t stand her guts sometimes because you feel like she’s making you feel bad or stupid, you are so desperate to have her love – this is where you might want to step away from.

Right now, it doesn’t sound like she’s equipped to give you what you want (and what any child reasonably needs and wants) – acceptance. So, what most people do in this situation (yes, you’re totally normal, go figure) is double their efforts to stay connected, try to make it work, and get really disappointed when she doesn’t live up to your expectations of her. Now, like I said, I think it’s totally valid to expect unconditional love from a parent. But in this instance, it looks like you’ve gotta change either your procedure or your perception of the situation.

[I walked up to the white board in my studio and wrote “perception” with a red marker.]

Coach K: Try to step back – and this was SO hard for me, it’s taken me almost 20 years to do with my stepdad – and see her as someone who is hurting for some reason or another and that what she does, she does out of fear and inadequacy, and not take it personally. I mean, you already said she does this to other people, so it’s not all about you, right?

Check it out, though, since you’ve made yourself so dependent on her validation, when she argues with you, even about the socks you wear, you’re basically so insecure from how crappy your mom’s been to you that you second guess yourself… and THAT’s when you feel like crap. Ask me how I know… been there!

It’s like you have a little rule in your head that says, “If Mommy doesn’t approve of me, it means she doesn’t love me, which makes me upset.” Well my delicate prince, you’ve been trying to squeeze fruit juice from a rock. Keep squeezing, it isn’t going to work. Where else can you get fruit juice from, though?

Him: The drumline… teachers… friends… my dad…

Coach K: See? You can still get your fruit juice, so it’s all good! We get upset when an expectation of ours isn’t being met. Once you accept that you won’t get fruit juice from you mom, you’re taking away that piece that makes you upset!

Him: Ok, but how do I do that?

Coach K: I’ll be honest, man, it’s not easy. It’s almost like you have to mourn and grieve for that thing you never had… but recognizing the situation for what it is is a great first step. You don’t have to get all wrapped up in the emotions of taking it personally anymore. Have some mercy. She doesn’t seem like she’s very happy in life, does she?

Him: Not really.

Coach K: It’s not your responsibility to make her happy, the only person you can control is you. Cool?

Him: Yeah, thanks Coach K. I feel a lot better.

Coach K: That’s why I’m here, dude. You got a Circle of Fifths in you?

Him: Yeah and it’s going to be the best one ever. Music always makes me feel better!

Coach K: That’s the name of the game!

Can you relate to this young man’s situation? How would YOU handle something like this? Would you handle it any differently now that you’ve read this?

Share your stories and insights in the comments below!

For the record, I asked this brave student-prince of mine if I could share this story in hopes that it will help the multitudes of other people experiencing similar situations out there… he gave me permission.  Hope it helps you!

Enjoy jamming on buckets?  

Check out the Teen Pulse Bucket Brigade and Trashers
performing groups in your area!

The Trashers introduced Teen Pulse when they played one of their pieces to start off the show, the Jazz Combo then played Little Sunflower, Misty, Don’t Get Around Much Anymore, and Watermelon Man. The most impressive element about these groups is they have only been playing together for six weeks! Miss Q let the audience in on the combo’s most recent learning experience, improvisation. If you’re not impressed yet, I won’t hesitate to inform you that all of the jazz combo’s unique solos were improvised on the spot by these talented, young performers. Improvisation is “in the moment” music composition, they are all spontaneous and are based on chord changes in the music.

“I’ll play it first and tell you what it’s called later.” -Miles Davis

The soloist included Maddi Dow on violin, Jessica Ramos on Clarinet and Trumpet, and Elita Barus on Drums and Electric Guitar.

After the Jazz Combo was through with their set, the Trashers took the stage and performed 4 pieces: Swing Jam, Trix, Reuse, and Jiggawatts. The audience really enjoyed their choreography and creative visuals while performing.

I was taken aback by some of the visuals, impressed with what these Pulsers were able to do, spinning drumsticks while playing complicated rhythms and running around each others “CANtraptions” while playing and getting back to their own spot just in time to continue playing. The final piece they played was complete with intense choreography by Stan Hogeweg and Andrew Calonge performing fierce and animated fight scenes while playing their “CANtraptions.”

The members of the Jazz Combo and Trashers all attend several different schools, locations spanning from Rancho Cucamonga to Beaumont, CA. This is one of the most interesting elements about Teen Pulse, bringing students from different high schools to rehearse and play together, giving each student the ability to expand their camaraderie and friendships throughout the area.

After the Pulsers finished performing, the Teen Pulse Staff decided to give Open Mic Night a shot.

I (Jessica Nuñez, intern) accompanied by Janie Vail, the Riverside Community College Marching Tiger’s lead vocalist from the Les Miserables 2011 marching band show, performed “Landslide” by Stevie Nicks and “The Story” by Brandi Carlile.

Inspired by one of her students, Miss Q stepped down from her teaching soapbox, dusted off her bass guitar and played Victor Wooten’s “Amazing Grace” which captivated the audience with the sounds of the bass harmonics.

The owner of the Coffee Klatch, couldn’t stop raving about how great the Pulsers were, constantly telling the audience to give Teen Pulse another round of applause. Musicians in the audience making comments about how great the Pulsers were performing, talking about their surprise at how short of a time they have been playing together. The audience erupting into applause after every performance finished and proud parents taking pictures and recordings of their Pulsers were just some of the memorable moments from this night.

So if you missed this performance, it can never be recreated exactly the same, you’ll have to attend another one-of-a-kind performance!

Jessica Nuñez is a Music Education major at the University of Redlands and has been interning with Teen Pulse since Summer 2011.

I’ve had a lot of experiences like this throughout my life and I am just now beginning to regret it.

When I was in high school, I wanted to be a writer.  I would spend hours devouring e.e. cummings and Charles Bukowski’s writings and dreamt of emulating them.  I wrote short stories, poetry, and even started a book.

The thing is, I never let anyone read my compositions.  The only thing I ever let anyone read was the beginnings of my book, and then I promptly threw all of my work away after I was laughed at for even aspiring to be a writer.

I went through years of pouring my soul out onto paper just to rip it up and throw it away.  My entire high school years were on an on-line journal that I deleted without hesitation at the beginning of my freshman year in college.  Now, looking back, I know that a lot of it was probably mediocre writing, but I can feel in my gut that at least 5% of it was worth reading and worth saving.

The reason that I would throw all my work away is because I knew it wasn’t perfect.  Even though I am a musician and I have learned through much trial and error that nothing ever happens perfectly without perfect practice, I didn’t think that this applied to my writing.  Words were something I was always good at.  Why should writing be any different?

That is where I made the mistake.  The mistake wasn’t in the imperfections of my writing, it was in the attitude concerning my writing.  My writings were a picture of a house, and the awkward syntax was me coloring outside the lines.  I was just trying to find my own voice, but it wasn’t happening quickly enough, so I would just give up and throw it away.

Now when I write, I decide to push through my perfectionist instincts because this has been a pattern in my life: start something and quit it if I think I’ve messed up.

It can feel vulnerable to be present in a situation where you feel you’re struggling or not showing yourself in the best light, but this is how we grow: by stretching ourselves through discomfort instead of shutting down.

This is how we get closer to others, closer to our dreams, and closer to the people who we want to be.  It’s how we learn about ourselves and identity areas for improvement.

Things are going to feel messy and imperfect lots of times in life.  We can either resist that and run whenever things feel out of control, or lean into the mistakes and learn from every one.

I’m Stephen Siemens, and I draw & animate.  I graduated from UCR in 2011 with a Business Administration degree and a minor in Computer Science.  Now I work as a videographer/editor/animator, which is also how I spend most of my free time.  I also meditate and drink green tea.

What are you passionate about?

Creating visual media that takes people on an emotional journey.  I believe that surreality can communicate emotion just as, if not more effectively than reality.  So lately, I’ve been exploring the use of whacked-out effects to convey my personal interests… like meditation and chakras, eastern ideas of health and spirituality…  It’s forced me to learn a lot about these concepts, which has only increased my passion for them.

I also draw a lot, mostly with markers.  I like to draw socially.  When my musician-buddy, Wesley Houdyshell of Gatsby’s Fiddle puts on shows, I set up an easel and draw on the stage.  The creative process is something to be shared, and that’s one of the ways I share my creative process.

What is your contribution to the Art World?

I want to actively participate in and contribute to the growth of an artistic community.  I want to help the people that I love achieve success.  I strive to work with friends and creatively combine our skills to increase exposure for all of us.  An artistic community can accomplish so much than a lone person.  Furthermore, film & video can communicate the collective work and potential of a community.  I want to help in that process.

Why do you do what you do?!

It’s really just how I’ve come to spend my time.  It’s become a habit.  My job keeps me pretty creative, but when I’m done with that for the day, I continue on my personal projects.  It’s an addiction, really, but it’s the best addiction I could hope to have.

How long have you been in the arts?

I’ve always drawn…  I drew so many dinosaurs as a kid.  I took one animation class in middle school and another art class in high school, but it wasn’t until my sophomore year of college that I started investing serious time into art.  I fell in love with the process of creating.  Holding a finished piece in my hand, that I realized wouldn’t exist unless I had taken the time to create it.

Then I spent one of my college summers working on a film called “Marty’s Magnificent Day-Glo Dream-a-Thon”.  I fell in love with film production.  Film brings so many people together and forces them to collaborate.  I met some of the most important people in my life working on that movie.  Subsequent video/film projects have introduced me to more and more people.  I wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything.

What are you proud of yourself for?

I’m most proud of what I’ve accomplished with my friends.  Looking through our catalogue of creations is wonderful… and makes me really nostalgic.

I’m also proud of my work ethic.  Recently, whenever i start a project (a drawing, for instance) I decide that I’m not going to turn the page of the art book until that piece is done (or until I’ve experimented enough to learn a lesson).  That’s my biggest recommendation to creatives.  Don’t be that person with a bunch of crumbled-up papers in your trash bucket.  Make your mistakes work.

What are your goals for yourself?

I want to make enough money to buy organic food.  That’s really important to me.  Aside from that, I just want to keep growing as an artist. The creative process never gets boring. I definitely need that in my life, for the rest of it.

What motivates you?

I’m a pretty self-motivated guy.  When I get an idea, I’m generally going to finish it out.  But there are those times…  Luckily I can count on my family and friends.  My friends motivate me more than anything else.  Often times, my friends are also my collaborators.  Since I surround myself with people that I would never want to let down, in a sense, I’ve created a system that’ll never let me be lazy. Rocking!

What is the coolest project you’ve been involved with to date?

Working on “Marty’s Magnificent Day-Glo Dream-a-Thon” was a tremendous experience.  Our initial premiere showed to 400 people.  That was one of the best nights of my life.  With that said, it always seems like my current project is the coolest thing I’ve ever worked on.  It’s gonna stay that way!

I do most of my film work with my friends, Wesley and Daniel Maggio at http://martyfishman.com/

To learn more about Stephen and follow his artistic journey, visit http://rapidwingo.com.

However, it doesn’t end there.  It goes on and on.  We play it in every area of our life: relationships, career, health, and money.

If I get Toms, then I’ll fit in.

If I get a summer job, then I can get a car.

If I lose weight, then I’ll be happy.

If I make my mom happy, then I’ll be happy.

Society and the media influence our mind to think with a set of conditions that help us make sense and draw logical conclusions, which is helpful sometimes.  But somewhere along the line, the logic is substituted for our own regulations and that don’t fit and, therefore, result in irrational conclusions, which is NOT helpful.  It’s important to note that happiness doesn’t require any if, then conditions.  According to the Dalai Lama, happiness is a choice.

Often we create a situation in our mind, such as being happy, and make it dependent on another event.  But in reality, being happy is not dependent on any set of conditions other than our own mindset and perspective right now.  Things such as starting a new relationship, getting a job, getting a spot in the jazz band, and losing weight do not necessarily equal happiness.  Happiness is available, right here, right now, in this moment, whether you are going through a major life transition or in the greatest relationship of your life.  It doesn’t depend on anyone but you.  By definition, if, then statements take you out of the present moment and steer your focus to the future.

I teach students from all walks of life, and I’m always fascinated to learn how one student believes she will be happy when she finally gets a spot in the jazz band while another believes she will be happy only when she gets new, trendy shoes (you can substitute this for anything: a relationship, money, a good relationship with your parents…)  The recurring theme is that these ideas are all based on external if, then statements and overlook the fact that we control our state of being and reactions.

You can be in a class that frustrates you or a person that you despise and still be in a good place in your life.  It doesn’t depend on external events.  It depends on how you view the events in your life.  When I was in college, a friend of mine had her wallet stolen and surprisingly stayed calm and upbeat through the whole ordeal!  Life is how we deal with where we are right now.

So instead of using an if, then statement as your default, create powerful statements, such as:

If I get Toms, then I’ll fit in.  I am myself and fit in right now!

If I get a summer job, then I can get a car.  I am creative about my transportation and get to where I want to be on time!

If I lose weight, then I’ll be happy.  I feed good about myself right now!

If I make my mom happy, then I’ll be happy.  I love my life and am happy right now!

Take the challenge:  Challenge yourself to get rid of the IF, THEN statements and see how your life makes a dramatic shift for the better.

The bottom line is…  By subscribing to if, then statements, you are embracing the idea that the future is the only place that holds happiness.  The real game is accepting where you are staying in the “now” of your life.  The next time you are tempted to set up conditions in your life and play the if, then game, simply challenge yourself to see if your logic is the truth.  (Is it really true that you can only be happy when you get those overly desired pair of shoes?)  Often the conclusion does not follow the set of conditions.

Believe in yourself!

With graduations and summer around the corner, the days between Memorial Day and Labor Day are statistically the deadliest for teens.

AT&T found that 97% of teens know texting while driving is dangerous, but about 50% still do it anyway.  But it’s not just teens… it’s also adults and parents who tell their teens not to text, but then choose to text while driving.  ”Do as I say, not as I do…”

AT&T made these videos to help us understand the impact texting while driving can have on ourselves and those around us.  Teen Pulse supports this message and strongly urges you to share it with your friends and families.  These videos put it all into words so you don’t have to.

For insights on how to talk to your teen, friends, or parents about texting while driving, feel free to contact Coach K at coachk@teenpulselife.com.  She’ll be happy to provide assistance and potentially save a life.

But what we have to remember is that failure is a normal part of life.  If you never, ever suffer a failure, then you’re probably not pushing yourself to your full potential.  It’s often through failure that we eventually meet success.

Thomas Edison once stated that “[he had] not failed.  [He had] just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Now what if he hadn’t gone for way #10,001?  Would we all be sitting in the dark right now?

So now that you know it’s okay to fail, here’s how to pick yourself up after you’ve failed:

1. Limit the damage caused.

Once the realization of failure has sunken in, take steps to limit the damage caused by that failure.  That could mean selling that bike that you never got around to using, or apologizing to someone who you hurt by saying something thought or unkind.

Whatever the situation is, being proactive is always going to be a better option that wishing it never happened.

2. Remember, other people fail, too.

Most people don’t talk openly about their failures.  They’ll tell you about the test they aced… not the quizzes they had studied for all night, only to sleep through it the next day.

But failure is normal, and lots of people fail time and time again before meeting with success.

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career.  I’ve lost almost 300 games.  26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed.  I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life.  And that is why I succeed.” ~ Michael Jordan

“I was set free because my greatest fear had been realized, and I still had a daughter who I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea.  And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

3. Remind yourself of your past successes!

Failing doesn’t mean that you’re worthless or that you’ll never achieve the things you want.  Think of all the times in the past when you’ve succeeded.

Write down a list of successes, things that you’ve accomplished over the past 3 months, BIG or small.

4. Make a decision.

Whatever went “wrong,” you’re probably facing some sort of decision.

Look for a forward path.  Take your time making hasty decisions.  You can help yourself by getting some extra advice and support from someone you can trust in your life, reading and learning more, or talking/journaling through your options.

“Doing nothing” is certainly an option… but it’s a decision in itself, and often one that won’t lead to anything positive.

Whatever failure you’re struggling with right now, you can learn from it, and move on.